Discipline

Discipline

Dyspraxic children need a lot of kindness, in my opinion. Every day is a struggle for these children - every new task to be learned presents a huge challenge. I think it is because of the nature of these difficulties that dyspraxic children tend to over-react to coercion. ie They are over-sensitive to punishment and tough-love techniques.

I used to use time-out as a technique for dissuading negative behavioural habits. While I had a certain degree of success at stopping the negative behaviour, other negative behaviours tended to spring up. Time-out seemed to create a bigger barrier between my son and I.

Ideally, our children need to learn self-discipline. They need to see the consequences that result directly from their actions. This needs to be explained clearly to the child ahead of time. When they act, then they live with the consequences of their action.

If the problem is that your child is not carrying out a certain behaviour (eg picking up his toys), then the consequence should be a reward for doing the behaviour. Offer a reward which the child really values. Make it clear that if they don't carry out the desired behaviour, then they miss out on something else which they value. Then leave them free to make the decision as to how they will act, and then follow through with the consequences consistently.

If the problem is that your child is exhibiting a negative behaviour (eg hitting his sibling), then the consequence should be a withdrawal of something he values (eg using the computer). Make the rules clear at the outset, so that when the consequences happen, they can see that it is a direct result of their own actions.

The idea is that your children feel secure in their environment and their focus is on learning. Too much time can be wasted on dealing with behavioural problems and using the wrong techniques can create more problems. By using non-coercive disciplining techniques, your child does not experience fear and your love for your child is never in doubt. By being consistent, he knows that your word can be trusted and that you are fair. He learns that he has a certain degree of control over his life.

"The scared fighter may be the best fighter, but the scared learner is always a poor learner."
- John Holt